Other People’s DVD Collections – Why Not Having Hard Copies Is A Blessing

Yes, yes, no one really ‘does’ hard copies of film, music and tv any more except the REALLY cool kids who are now back on videotape because analogue is just more real. Reel to reel is where it’s at, of course; that and 8 track cassettes.  But who really has the time?

And here’s one reason why no one does hard copies any more:

So I couldn’t help but notice you own a copy of Moulin Rouge.  And the Da Vinci Code? Come on – watching the film is almost as bad as reading the book.  And 9 series of ER, really?

OK so you’ve got The Lost Boys on your shelf.  Snaps on hitting your quota of cultish 80s-ness that’s too widely disseminated and financially successful to be justifiably called ‘cult’.  On a related note, I didn’t see Bladerunner anywhere.  I assume you must have lent it out to someone.  No need for you to clarify.  Seriously.

Face Off! That film is terrible; I love it.  That bit where they have the slow motion gun fight soundtracked by Somewhere Over The Rainbow, did you ever hear Jeff Beck’s version of it he plays live sometimes?  Oh dear you can’t have intended to see The Descent more than once, can you?  Oh look, Glee.  Not to be a dick but I thought you were a guy?  Oh it’s your wife’s, sure it is, buddy.  Pal.

Little Ren and Stimpy reference for you there.  Oh wait, you never really ‘got’ Ren and Stimpy, did you? Incidentally, is that Spongebob Squarepants? Were you hit in the head a lot as a child?  Event Horizon? Are you still absolutely sure you weren’t hit in the head a lot as a child?

Oh look, an anniversary edition of Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts Swayze in the coroner.  Sorry, that was uncalled for.

I suppose the Home Alone movies are your wife’s too.  Now I love nostalgia as much as the next closet racist homophobe who got buggered senseless at boarding school and still yearns for the days of empire, but seriously, you’re almost 30. You shouldn’t be watching movies based on the lives of small boys.  Or anything by Disney even if we did both have a weird thing for Princess Jasmine when we were eight.  Or the Narnia movies.  Why do you own the Narnia movies?  Why does anyone? Even the books are fucking terrible.  There, I’ve said it.  Yes they are.  I can’t believe my iPad autocorrected ‘fucking’ to an entirely different word.  And again.

And The Mummy? Jeez, you’ll watch that rotting, raggedy corpse of a film but I suggest George Of The Jungle one time and you come over all ‘Brendan Fraser is a punishment for theft in some cultures’.  And no Airheads either.  Actually, what do you have against the 90s anyway? No Wayne’s World or True Romance; no Clueless. No, YOU’RE clueless.  Well you do have Home Alone I suppose so it’s not like you just hate the 90s.

And speaking of Mike Myers – what happened to your Austin Powers movies, I thought you loved those? Your wife make you get rid?  What, to make room for ‘her’ Dawson’s Creek boxed set that you’ve had since before you two were dating? You gonna’ blame her for all of it?  Because I honestly can’t imagine she’d have bought 2 copies of Titanic.

You do know I’ve met your wife, right?

Come to think of it I do like James Van Der Beek in that tv show about that bitch in that apartment and she’s really hot and also she was in that movie with Alice Eve we watched that one time…Fantastic Four?  That’s worse than owning Hocus Pocus.  Ah.  Never mind.

And what’s that next to it?  Bend It Like Beckham.  More like you’re a bender like Beckham.  Oh come on that’s definitely worth a high five.  Suit yourself.  Actually, I take it back anyway – you lost your high five privileges whenever it was you paid actual money for K-Pax.  And Grease.

Ok I actually believe that one’s your wife’s.

So what do you want to watch, anyway? I don’t mind – I’m pretty easygoing.


10 thoughts on “Other People’s DVD Collections – Why Not Having Hard Copies Is A Blessing

  1. If talking about ’90’s cult classics, you can’t forget Cube, The Boondock Saints, or my personal favorite Arachnophobia. I generally try not to judge too much, but I did once make a boyfriend get rid of a movie – so I fail.

    1. The Cube – that the one where the people wake up in a cube in which the rooms switch around and they have to escape and there’s a guy with a savant-like mathematical ability?

  2. I was just telling my boyfriend the other day that the last time I purchased a dvd was BBC’s Planet Earth about 4 years ago….I refuse to buy dvd’s anymore. It is a complete waste of space.

    Oh and btw I loved the descent. i’m a huge fan of scary movies and that was one of my favorite ones of the past decade…not because of the creepy bat creatures but because of how the women acted towards eachother.

    1. Fair enough – I just put in the first examples I could think of. I have to say I think The Descent starts off fantastically well but once the monsters turn up it becomes so silly it ruins what went before.

      Planet Earth on the other hand – great series.

      The thing is, DVDs are a huge waste of space, and it’s so much more convenient being able to key in a film from a hard drive or whatever, but there is something I really like about having shelves full of films, same as with books and music.

      Then again I think I may have been born an old fart…

  3. Scary movies are all about the suspense. Once you see the monster you can deal with the problem in your head…it’s the unknown that’s terrifying.

    On a side note…I think I’ll watch House of a 1000 Corpses today for the first time…I heard it’s excellent.

    As far as Planet Earth…it was fantastic. My favorite scene is the time lapse bit of the jungle; It looks like it’s breathing as it grows. The sequel Life was a bit of a disappointment though.

    When I look at a person’s bookshelves, their books represent the scope of their curiosity and spectrum of interests and their DVD collection represents their personality. What do you think DrFrood? Have quick look around =)

    1. I agree about suspense, and you’re definitely right about the fear of the unknown vs the scary thing you’re looking at aspect, which is maybe why so many of these films are inevitably disappointing. Also, that’s like totally Socrates…

      That being said, Jeepers Creepers was really effective until you saw the particularly crap chicken suit, and heard that twaddle about how it had eaten too many hearts and therefore could never die – one assumes that heart tissue must be rich in iron and other apparently life-extending minerals.

      So it wasn’t a known vs unknown thing – it was a rubbish monster supported by really bad writing. I have heard good things about 1000 Corpses though.

      I’m amazed that the BBC continues to make these things – each series is supported by a ground breaking new filming technique or piece of tech, they’re absolutely phenomenal (I’m biased of course but I do think the Brits make some of the best documentaries) and…they get trounced in the ratings by Simon Cowell programmes like Britain’s Got To Be Put Out Of Its Misery Someone Please.

      Thankfully Auntie Beeb seems quite happy to keep making them.

      I love to look through people’s films and books and music, although I’m starting to worry that how you place them reveals a lot more about your personality flaws than seems fair. I’ve got an old biography of Machiavelli by Villari that’s older than me that I absolutely adore just as a thing to have, but whenever I look at it I think ‘you pretentious twat’…

      Strangely I have no comparable feelings of shame about my Batman DVDs, which doesn’t seem right somehow.

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