10 Things Not To Say To An Interview Candidate

“Are those real?”


“Let’s see, Mr…uh…no, there’s no way I’m going to be able to pronounce that, so I’ll be calling you…er…Steve.”


“Sorry about the delay – we just need to clean up the mess left by the last candidate and air the place out a bit.” (to a passing employee) “Can you fetch me a mop? And something absorbent.”


“No, no, I mean; where are you from originally?”


“Before we begin, we’re legally obligated to ask you whether you need a safe word?”


“What benefits do we offer? How about this – you get the benefit of getting my coffee in the morning and giving me all the credit for your hard work, including any and all bonus payments. Oh, and sometimes you get to work on Sundays.”


“We like to think of the company as a big, happy family. Like the Manson family.”


“Right if you’ll just pop your clothes off then we can begin. No, just leave them in a neatly folded pile in the corner. NO. Do. Not. Make. Eye contact.”


“Oh Christ, look at your shoes – they’re just awful. And that jacket… Who dresses you?”


“…And that’s why I believe Hitler was right all along.*”


And the bonus…


“Let me just say that I for one look forward to seeing more of you in the next round. Maybe even all of you.”


*callback, yo.

8 thoughts on “10 Things Not To Say To An Interview Candidate

  1. Where are you from originally is actually a fairly common question here (though it’s not really supposed to be).

    I was once asked if I had any intention of getting married soon. There’s currently a job posting in my field that requires you prove you attend church on Sundays as part of the interview. I do believe they even quiz you on the bible. I didn’t apply, I already work Sundays anyway.

    1. I’m trying to picture how that interview would go…

      Ok, so you check out REAL well – great references, your experience and qualifications all check out – you’re the perfect candidate. But, you know, you answered Deuteronomy, when you should have put Leviticus, so…

      1. They are straightforward about it. The education requirements aren’t even in the top 5 things they are looking for in a candidate (#1 being committed follower, #3 knowledgeability about the Word of God, #6 Master’s degree).

        To add another: ‘Oh, I didn’t realize you were going to be female’.

      2. Sadly, no, but that should be a general requirement for humans.

        2. Able to effectively communicate personal faith and apply biblical principles and convictions in the workplace at said University.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s