Friday’s Mental Exercise

Invent a conspiracy theory and attempt to convince someone else that it is a) a genuine conspiracy theory that exists (ie that you didn’t just make it up) and b) that it’s the truth but was covered up.

An example:

Everyone knows the funny story of how Elvis tried to convince J Edgar Hoover to take him on to spy on his fellow celebrities and uncover potential communists. What’s always been covered up is that in fact Elvis was retained for such a purpose; but he didn’t make the initial approach – J Edgar did.  Instead, the whole ‘stoopid Elvis wanted to be a spy’ story was fabricated as a double bluff in order to reassure the famous that Elvis was both trustworthy and a little naïve.

In later life a disillusioned (and increasingly cash-strapped) Elvis intended to publish a tell-all memoir about his experiences. This would’ve caused no end of embarrassment to a US government then very publicly critical of the levels of paranoia in the USSR.

Within a week of his first meeting with HarperCollins he died in a manner so outlandish, embarrassing and silly that no one thought to look any deeper than whether or not he died through his prodigious intake of food or his equally prodigious intake of various narcotics.

If you look on the internet you can find evidence that traces of sodium pentothal were found in his bloodstream but that this was covered up in favour of focusing on his mild allergy to codeine.

Please do share your own invented conspiracy theories and stories of success in the comments section.

Finally, because the internet is a crazy frontier town of swivel-eyed madness and paranoia, I would like to reiterate once more that the conspiracy theory set out above is a total fabrication.

Or is it?

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8 thoughts on “Friday’s Mental Exercise

  1. I found a banana on my vodka… They have decided to make vodka “flavoured” bananas because of the demand for a vodka milkshake. Is that a conspiracy theory or just the result of too much vodka? Tough call….

    1. What if the bananas were genetically modified to begin with, even before the vodka flavouring?

      OOhh and the GM bananas thing is all something shadowy and corporate-y.

      But the biggest cover up of all? It’s not even real vodka.

      Conspiracy theories are fun.

  2. While the US doesn’t have a royal family, they have the next best thing: The Kennedy family. However, it would be difficult to find a family that has faced more personal tragedy. Ranging from airplane crashes and ski accidents to overdoses and assassinations, the family seems cursed. Or maybe not. How closely did anyone inspect the bodies? Did an outside source verify JFK Jr.’s remains? No. And more often than not, the bodies were cremated.

    Although widely known, it’s rarely pointed out exactly how wealthy the family is. Could they buy someone’s (or everyone’s) silence? Yes. Do they own a private island? Yes. Do they have a history of erratic behavior – like driving off a bridge and pretending they didn’t know what happened? Yes. Can anyone keep their facts straight; was it one shooter or two? Not even the government can agree. It is theorized that many of the victims, though presumed dead, actually relocated to their own private sanctuary to live out their life in peace. Because really, what family has that many bizarre accidents…? The statistical probability is very, very low.

    I actually prefer my conspiracy theory to the idea that that many members of a family died prematurely. It’s sad, even if a few of them were less than honorable. Inane fact: I was named after Robert Kennedy’s youngest daughter.

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