10 Things Not To Say In A Job Interview

(taking a swig from a hip flask) “It’s always noon somewhere, right?”


“To cut a long story short, I had a great lawyer and they couldn’t prove shit.  But yeah, it was me.  Man it feels great to get that off my chest – gotta’ love that double jeopardy law!”


“Weaknesses? Um, let’s see. Oh yeah!  Other men’s wives, know what I’m saying, playa?”


“After all that it turned out that I was just being paranoid and there was nothing going on.  But my boss holds a grudge so he took out a restraining order.”


“How good is your internet filter?”


“What’s your policy on sexual harassment, because apparently I’m not very good at ‘boundaries’ and I really can’t take being fired again.”


“Where do I see myself in five years?  Day release.”


“They say it’s addictive, but I’m not convinced.  Besides, it’s a great pick-me-up when you’re stuck at work and you’re just not feeling it, you know?”


“But the way I see it, it’s not really a crime until someone presses charges.”


“…and that’s why I believe Hitler was right all along.”


And a bonus…

“Describe myself in five words?  Easy, I’ll do it in one: fucking legend.”

16 thoughts on “10 Things Not To Say In A Job Interview

    1. That was the first one I wrote, funnily enough – glad you liked it.

      Might do a follow-up of things not to say when you’re interviewing candidates. Any suggestions would be welcome

      1. Will do, otherwise just shove em in the comments section and I’ll plagiarise then edit your comment to make it look like it was all my own work.

  1. LOL!!!
    BTW what’s up with the question mark in the title of your newest blog entry? Are you not sure if you’re saying it right?

    Been a while since I studied German…so here goes.

    Gern is used for like ex:”Ich spiele gern sax” I like to play sax
    Whereas Liebe means Love. “Ich liebe sax spielen.” I love to play sax

    1. There ain’t no private messages in these here parts. Or summat.

      Question mark is because German has 3 genders and about 16 words for ‘the’, although at least all of them are der, die, das, die, especially because I don’t think dessen derren etc are used any more. You’ve got to love a country that legislates for its own language…

      Wasn’t sure of the gender of the Liebster Award so I went with das, although I was and remain sorely tempted by der Liebster Award.

      Possibly I’ve overthought this.

      Also I couldn’t think of a verb I’d use in the Liebster context, yo, so I went with loving it like it’s a McDonalds burger or something.

      I probably won’t change it; after all JFK referred to himself as a donut and managed to live it down.

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